"Blest Be the Tie that Binds"

What a perfect weekend in the northeast (or at least where I was). Beautiful blue skies with puffy fair weather clouds, low humidity...just gorgeous.

My family and I attended a reunion of my wife's (Susan) family in the countryside northeast of Philadelphia. The "family consists of Susan's father and his two younger brothers, their spouses/partners, children, etc. Don and Elise came from Colorado. Bill and Fred from Tennesee. Jack and Ev (Susan's parents) along with Susan's sister Cathy her husband John and her daughter Paige and family, along with our children Peter (along with his girlfriend Mary) our daughter Paige and I rounded up the party.

We sat around at John and Cathy's house eating, swaping jokes and stories. There are family memories and rivalries. Not every one could come. Some may have not wanted to come. That's the way it is with families. But for all who showed, a good time was had by all.

There is news to share of various sorts, of course. There were many religious questions of me, per usual. The Tennessee contingent (both Episcopalians) wanted to know if the United Church of Christ was the same as the Church of Christ. "No, I patiently said. We're quite different from one another." (Of course I say this every time we're together.) Don (from Colorado) asked, "So, what do you do? You don't have a church right? (Right) So what do you do!" When I told him he said, "I didn't know that churches had people to do things like that. This morning I was asked if I heard Tammy Fae Baker had died. Know I hadn't seen the papers. "Yes, she said in a recent interview that she knew she was going straight to heaven." There was laughter and some jeering at the supposed audacity of such a claim. No one acknowledged my response, "Well isn't such knowledge the point of faith?"

I love my families -- my own birth family and also Susan's. I will say that being with Susan's family is a bit easier emotionally (for me at least) because it's not as complicated as the relationships in my own family. I'm the youngest so my sister and my Dad have much different perceptions of whom I am than almost anyone else. Susan's family only knows me as a pastor and as Susan's husband.

It occurred to me while driving home this afternoon that there was much about this weekend that is like my experience of the church.

Most of the people with whom I deal in local churches don't have a clue about what I do or why I'm meeting with them until I do it. Hopefully, they will then see that as they're talking about inviting a neighboring congregation to share space I can connect them with another church that has been doing the same.

Or, as they are in transition between pastors they possibly will experience some comfort and peace in hearing me share with them a process for moving forward that is tried and true.

Or, as they are in the midst of conflict I can offer some wisdom to help them to see their way through to a healthy future.

Or, as they are trying to develop a new vision along with a mission plan and a new structure they can experience my offer encouragement and some tools to move forward.

Church, our local congregations and also our associations and conferences are very much like a family. Sometimes we find it difficult to get along. Relationships within and among settings of the church are often complicated.

Communication is also difficult. We come at each other and the issues the confront us with preconceived notions and biases. Because we've known a person for decades we think of all that they do and every idea that they propose through certain lenses, for good or ill.

Sometimes we feel as though we just want to opt out of the family. It's easier to go it on our own. But how much better it is to show up to the reunion, to laugh at the jokes, share in the hugs of people whom you have known for a lifetime, or to welcome new members to the family, to eat together, even get red in the face with each other, but mostly to rejoice in being together. What else is there, after all. Being alone can be good. But community is the thing!

My mother-in-law, cried as we hugged her good-bye today. She's been doing that lately. We know that she's wondering which hug and kiss of farewell will be the last. How do any of us know this. Fortunately, we have each other and we have a God who wants us to have each other as part of a family on "another shore" that will never part.

Indeed, Blest be the Tie that binds,

Rick Cowles