"Something Old, Something New"

I guess marriage is on my mind. It is true that tomorrow is Susan's and my 29th Wedding Anniversary. But that's not exactly why I've been thinking of these things. I actually began thinking of marriage in the context of Mother's Day.

In 1980 during a "caligraphy phase" of my life I made a geneologically styled certificate for my parents in honor of their 40th anniversary with my parents names and wedding date in the center, flanked above and beneath by the names and wedding dates of my grandparents and of my sister and I. My parents displayed this framed certificate on a wall in their home until it came back to me upon the death of my father last November (my mother predeceased him in 2004).

We have a good many things from my parents' household, new to us but much of which is old to our family. My grandfather's grandfather clock now sits in our entry way. Some of my favorite articles are the exquisitely carved wooden figurines that my father brought back from Shanghai when he served on a USS Destroyer in World War II. There are paintings and winged-backed chairs. With my parents' deaths I have no family "home" to visit anymore, but it's like my home, my whole life, has come back to me. It's an odd feeling.

When my mother died, some well meaning friends asked me how I felt now that I was an orphan. I also heard this question again after my father died.

I must admit that inwardly I took great umbrage at being called an orphan. To begin with, it didn't help. It wasn't comforting. It didn't lead me to own my grief or to find any sense of peace. Besides it's just wrong.

I was 55 when my mother died and nearly 59 when my father passed away. I wasn't an orphan. I was given the blessings of loving parents covering a span of nearly 6 decades. No, the parentless children in the townships of South Africa and the refugee camps in Chad are orphans. Orphans are those whose parents have been swept away by cyclones in Myanmar and by rockets and suicide bombers in Iraq.

As you can see, my thoughts about marriage, about family, about gain and loss are complete with much emotion. How not! Our life experiences within the context of our families form the heart of our perceptions of the world, how we feel about ourselves, how we learn to trust others, how we relate in social settings and when we're by ourselves. I dare say that I am no different than you in this respect.

We have been watching the new series on "Masterpiece Classics" on PBS, entitled, "Cranford". In the story Cranford is a countryside English village at the advent of the modern urban age in the 1830's. Things are changing. Society is changing. There are new social norms that unsettle the old ways.

A new doctor just out of medical school has brought some new methods quite upsetting to the older physician in town.

The dowager Lady of the village is forced to confront the issue of the rising lower classes and the unfolding ethics and strains on traditional forms of justice.

And, in almost every household visited relationships are under strain. The well respected but rather domineering older sister dies in one home, leaving the remaining sister bereft. Their maid wonders whether it is proper for her to have a "follower". The new doctor falls in love with the rector's daughter while turning a blind eye to the attraction of two other village women for him.

All right, I'm an unabashed Anglophile! Still, to twist the title of one of the books of the late historian, Barbara Tuchman, it provides a not too "Distant Mirror" to our time. There is much discomfort, disillusionment and confusion over much of what is going on today.

I've been meeting with one of our country churches that is in transition. Their longtime pastor is retiring. They are offering a salary that will accommodate a stated supply kind of preacher. I've asked different potential candidates (lay persons that have provided such work as "licensed" preachers, newly retired pastors, etc.). No one is available.

I suggested sharing a pastor with another church in the area. I even had one that is interested. When I offered the search committee this possibility, they said that they didn't want to have anything to do with that church or anyone who was associated with that church. Why, you ask? this other church is ONA (Open and Affirming). And, the first country church didn't like the possibility of having opening gay/lesbian persons in the pulpit or other leadership positions. On the other hand I've learned that at least one of their members has been worshipping in this other ONA congregation recently.

So, there is much confusion that turns to anger over what is happening in society and even in our churches. I dare say that my parents and grandparents would also be aghast at what we talk about in our churches these days. To even discuss the rights, the dignity, the blessings-of-God-as-children-of-God of homosexual persons would be surprising to them.

We've been learning that we're still not particularly comfortable in talking about the rights, dignity and the blessings-of-God-as-the-children-of-God of African Americans. We wonder about the need for a Sacred Conversation on Race. "Haven't we settled that?" We say.Well, no, we haven't.

I was reminded by an African American colleague as we were planning just such a sacred conversation in Syracuse that we look at things differently. African Americans have much different experiences than I do of relationships with the police, of whether or not they're offered a table at a restaurant, of whether there are essential public services in their neighborhoods, of the availability of quality education, etc., etc.

There's so much to think about, so much to do. Things are changing. That which is old can comfort, can form the basis for what we do now. But, as the hymn says, "new occasions teach new duties, time makes ancient good uncouth."

Check out the resources for the Sacred Conversation on Race. http://www.ucc.org/sacred-conversation/

Learn more about what Our Common Global Ministries is doing to help the victims of the cyclone in Myanmar, and how you can respond. http://www.globalministries.org/news/sasia/myanmar-struck-by-tropical-cyc.html

Blessings,

Rick Cowles