"A Day in the Life"

Wally Brown died a couple of weeks ago. He had been ill for quite some time, but took a turn for the worst about ten days before he died. He gave into his illness enough to tell Dave, the moderator of the First Congregational Church, Bridgewater (Oneida Association) that he just couldn't preach on Sunday. As the week progressed, he grew increasingly weaker. And, on that Wednesday, he died. His funeral was Sunday, March 8.

Jean Smyth, mother of Michael Richards (pastor Hartford United Parish, HMA) died about 10 days ago. Her memorial service took place this past Saturday with Michael giving the eulogy, Michael's wife Sharon (also a UCC clergyperson) and I taking parts of the liturgy.


It's fairly rare that I participate in conducting funerals these days. As a conference staff person, I attend funerals and sometimes give greetings or say a prayer. But I was honored to be one of the officiants at these funerals.


I've conducted many funerals over the years of my ministry. Sometimes it's easy after so many of these occasions to forget to take real notice of the life lived or the family dynamics playing out before you. Sometimes it's easy to see this funeral as just another in a long line. It's not right to do this, it's not exemplary, but it is common enough. I am not proud when I have found myself in this state. I know that it's a defense against the effects of loss, of the stress of giving comfort to others while trying to overcome one's own grief. Still, I'm not proud.


I guess that I didn't approach either funeral with the best attitude. Wally was a nice guy. He was always supportive, always had some bit of humor to share, but had not been involved in leadership. His ministry had not been in any kind of trouble. He never called upon me to consult with the church over this aspect of ministry or that. So, in short, I knew him, but not well.

I knew and had worked alot with Michael and had stayed in Mike's and Sharon's house a couple of times. I had only met Jean once. She seemed nice, too. The point is, both service occurred in the midst of a bunch of other obligations and meetings (don't they always!), and I was tired. The way was long, dark and deep and I had miles to go before I could sleep (but wanted to be home and at my goal of resting right then!).

Well, shame on me. Both services spoke to me. I learned about Wally. He was a newspaper editor for a local weekly. He was well known in the community. One of his sons spoke of how in the mid-eighties his dad proved that he was ahead of the curve by purchasing a Mackintosh computer. He went onto say that his dad proved his ability to continue to use things to which he had grown accustomed by never replacing that computer, but employing it to edit the paper until the end.

I learned other things about him, too, from what people said. And I thought, who knew! There was more to Wally than met the eye, a life beyond the Church, beyond ministry! (I know that I have such a life other than what I have beyond my ministry. Sometimes I forget to look for this life in others.)

The most moving part of Jean's service was a teary confession made by Harrison, a teenaged boy. Working through his tears he was able to get out, "I miss her." When Jean moved in with Michael and Sharon and began attending church in Hartford, she sat next to Harrison. They became fast friends. Another woman spoke of how, as part of her church obligations, she visited Jean in the hospital. She went onto say that these visits became increasingly more frequent and less obligatory. The woman said that she began to need the comfort of Jean's strength and life perspective, seemingly much more than Jean needed her visit.

This past weekend during which Jean's service took place was quite busy: Conference staff meeting in Syracuse on Thursday; the Conference Executive Council in Schenectady on Friday and Saturday; Jean's service outside of Glens Falls on Saturday afternoon; meeting with the Search Committee of East Side Congregational Church in Binghamton on Sunday morning; and attending services at the Sikh Foundation in Liverpool in conjunction with my participation with InterFaith Works of Central New York.

Each of these events and or meetings provided learnings. One such learning came at the Sikh Foundation when my friend Narinder Bains, explained during the service that Sikh wisdom teaches that we can control two things in life: effort and prayer.

We decide how much or how little effort we will put into any activity. We also decide how and when we will pray. Effort sometimes provides great success, sometimes it provides no success at all. Prayer provides perspective for the relative success or failure that we experience through our efforts. Prayer gives us the wisdom and grace to learn to want what we get rather than merely seeking to get what we want.

Forty years ago (or so) the Beatles sang the song, "A day in the life". It was a song about worldwide events as well as the individual non sequitors of life. In this latter context the "bridge" of the song tells of the typical morning of one person, "Got up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head, made my way downstairs and had a cup, then I woke up and went into a dream...ah, ah, ah, ah!"

I guess we never know when we are making an effect on some other person, even when living through the humdrum aspects of life. A son reflects on the life, humor, foibles and love of his dad and promises to follow his dad's example. A boy, sitting alone, is befriended by a stranger in church, and his life is changed. We hear a word from a friend, a word of insight and it helps clarify our thoughts. We learn something new about the life of others and find meaning in our own lives.

Pastors have lives beyond their ministry. Ministry is a calling, a profession. It requires our effort, our prayers, the commitment of everything we have. And, God has also given us a life before, during and beyond ministry. It could be making certain to take time for personal reading, or going on a hike, or learning some new skill (writing music or a poem, learning to garden, connecting with others on Facebook or some other social network).

Of course it's the same for everyone. But, for today I will urge churches to encourage their pastors to develop this "other" life. The deeper and more well rounded the pastor, the better and more effective the ministry of the church.

Christian mystic George Herbert wrote this reflection on John 14:6, "Come my Way, my Truth, my Life, such a way as gives us breath, such a truth as ends all strife, such a life as killeth death..." It is my prayer for me and for you.

Blessings,

Rick Cowles